We have been talking about some of the pitfalls that can happen in romantic relationships. Perhaps you’ve been saying to yourself, “Sheesh! It’s enough of the downers, Lauren! Tell me what makes relationships successful already!”
Fortunately, John Gottman’s research illuminated a few key characteristics and interpersonal interactions that can highly influence the success and stability of relationships. We’re going to spend the next few months exploring some of them and I’ll be giving you tips to help you keep your most important relationships strong and healthy.
To get started, Dr. Gottman discovered that an important secret to relationship success is the presence of positivity during conflict discussions (and in everyday interactions).
Specifically, the ratio of positivity to negativity in stable relationships is greater than or equal to 5:1.
What exactly does this 5:1 ratio mean and look like? It means that successful couples do a great deal to avoid having conflict discussions become negative to begin with. They spend a lot of time and energy injecting humor, good will, empathy, repair attempts, and expressing affection for every negative interaction.
It’s much easier to be forgiving of someones faults or mistakes if you generally like and have positive feelings for him/her. And having an abundance of positivity builds a strong foundation of friendship, trust, and intimacy that gets couples through difficult times.
To capture the baseline level of positivity in your relationship, try keeping track of the positive things you do for your partner every day for a week. Pay particular attention to the little things you do or say. You can also try this exercise with your partner and compare notes at the end of the week. Evaluate your attempts and their outcomes to see if you’re heading in the right direction or if you need to step up your game.
Stay tuned for next month’s article when I begin highlighting specific types of positive interactions that relationship masters use to maintain positivity, stability, and intimacy. Until then, enjoy practicing loving the people closest to you!
Dr. Lauren Wecker is a clinical psychologist based in Las Vegas, Nevada. She provided evidence-based therapy to help with anxiety, depression, trauma and addiction.
Simple Steps to Begin Therapy in Las Vegas with Me
Getting started doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. I’ve designed a clear, straightforward process so you know exactly what to expect from the very first call. In just three simple steps, you’ll begin a boutique therapy experience tailored to your goals, helping you achieve meaningful and lasting change.
Schedule Your FREE Consultation
This is your chance to share what you’re looking for, ask questions, and see if we’re the right fit to work together. Contact me at (702) 673-6222 or send me an email and I’ll connect with you for a free 15-minute phone call.
Chat With Me
During our call, you’ll talk directly with me – no receptionist, no middleman. We’ll discuss your goals, explore how therapy can help, and decide together on the next best step for you.
Get to Work
If we’re a good match, we’ll schedule your first session. From there, we’ll dive in with focus and clarity, so you can begin to see meaningful results and lasting change.
