When I ask people why they’ve given up on their goal, they usually tell me that they have become discouraged because they can’t keep up with the high bar that they have set for themselves. When I hear this disappointing account, my advice is always the same: Don’t give up on your goal! Take a step back, reevaluate and reformulate the goal to make it more achievable. Start with smaller goals to build momentum and confidence, and work up to a harder or bigger goal.
For example, rather than telling yourself, “I need to lose weight” (which is too general and undefined) or “I want to lose 20 pounds” (which is specific, but is a pretty tough goal for many people), start by breaking your goal into smaller objectives which are more realistic and achievable.
For example, you might say something like, “I’m going to avoid desserts three times this week.” Observe your ability to succeed, monitor your response to achievement or struggle, and set a new target when you’re ready. If you repeatedly fall short of your goal, you may need to take a step back to reconsider whether it is realistic. A next step might be, “I’ll pass on desserts twice this week.” On the other hand, if you are consistently hitting your targets, then you might consider raising the bar. Either way, you’re still working toward your bigger goal.
Give it a try. Think of something you’ve been wanting to accomplish but have put off or given up on. Determine a small step you are willing to take to get started. Share your goal with someone you trust and to whom you feel you can be accountable – ideally someone who has similar goals – and report your progress to them. You’ll be surprised how accomplishing smaller objectives can increase your confidence and self-esteem as you focus on your successes rather than your failures, and ultimately help you build momentum as you work toward your larger goal.
Good luck with your goal-setting and keep me posted on your progress!
Dr. Lauren Wecker is a clinical psychologist based in Las Vegas, Nevada. She provided evidence-based therapy to help with anxiety, depression, trauma and addiction.
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